Been thinking about work lately. About what it means to work.
One of my intentions for 2018 was to create new, meaningful relationships so I’ve been uber social these days; going out and meeting new people. Naturally I’ve run into the question of “what do you do?” or “what are you working on?” and no matter how lovely the delivery, the question always makes me feel a little self-conscious you know? The truth is I’m not “working”. At least not in the traditional sense. So can I still claim what I’m currently doing as “work”? I’m writing and dancing but can I claim those titles yet?
(Side note: I recently watched Frances Ha and in it someone asks her what she does and she explains that it’s hard to describe because she isn’t really doing it. That’s how I feel!)
I actually think the social discomfort is good though because it’s forced me to look at some buried insecurities and question old beliefs. For one, I didn’t realize how much I tied up “work” with monetary exchange. BUT if you asked me if a stay at home mother works, I would say YES without hesitation. And if you asked me if a fine artist, who is in year three of developing their masterpiece, works I would still say YES. So…I guess this old belief just applies to me.
Tied to this limiting belief is the idea that unless I’m getting paid for something or until I receive a major recognition or degree I can’t call myself by any title. Writer, songwriter, dancer seem out of the question. It isn’t until I win a GRAMMY or publically show my first choreographed piece that I have the right to use those terms to describe myself. Isn't that crazy? I'm setting myself up for major disappointment. Again, I realize I can apply the same money logic here so... Die old thinking, die!!
Moral of the story is that every day I’m uncovering the rigid structures in my mind that have held me back. In the past they have made me feel unworthy of pursuing the things that make me feel alive, wake me up. It can be a scary thing to begin questioning beliefs but awareness is a gift.